A Cedars-Sinai expert has highlighted the growing issue of loneliness and family estrangement during the holiday season. Itai Danovitch, MD, chair of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Neurosciences at Cedars-Sinai, explained that many people feel alone and sad while others celebrate with family gatherings.
Danovitch pointed out that more than a quarter of U.S. adults are estranged from at least one close relative. The phrase “going no-contact” with family members is becoming increasingly common. He noted that it is unclear whether more people are distancing themselves from family or if they are simply more comfortable discussing it.
According to Danovitch, loneliness is a significant health problem that can be heightened during the holidays. “There are many causes of loneliness, but certainly one of the most significant emerging causes is our physical disconnection and increasing reliance on technology to communicate with each other,” Danovitch said. “We evolved to be a highly social species with the capacity to form personal relationships, families, tribes and communities. Some of the most remarkable distinctions of the human brain are those that help us understand one another, imagine another person’s perspective, and empathically share their feelings.
“But we’ve seen an unraveling of the social structures that have always anchored us, and particularly during times of need, that has left many of us feeling alone and disconnected.”
He added that these factors create challenges and difficult emotions during a period when relationships and community play a central role.
When asked why people may feel lonelier or depressed at this time of year, Danovitch explained: “There are several reasons. Loneliness and isolation are amplified during the holidays if people are already experiencing a sense of separation from their families of origin or the social pain of loneliness. Even people who are not estranged from their families—but who may not live close by or aren’t accustomed to spending time together—can suddenly feel overwhelmed by dynamics that resurface as if no time has passed, although one person is now an adult and another a grandparent. Another contributor to holiday depression or loneliness is expectations. People bring personal ideas about what the holidays should look like, and those expectations often carry emotional weight—and often don’t align with reality.”
Regarding coping strategies for those dealing with family estrangement or challenging interactions during gatherings, Danovitch said: “When it comes to family dynamics, relationships are messy. Families are messy. It’s valuable to be aware of challenging dynamics and to bring patience and grace to any interactions. Take a deep breath and feel compassion and forgiveness if you feel like you’re not being your best self. If you suddenly slip back into the 13-year-old version of yourself, give yourself a break. Give your family a break. Also, know that you can’t solve everything over one holiday. Developing better or more fulfilling relationships with family takes effort and time. Lean into relationships and approach engagement and connecting in a way that feels appropriate for the situation and the individuals.”
On setting boundaries with family for mental wellbeing during this period he stated: “There’s no right or wrong answer. Boundaries are individualized, and I wouldn’t judge the reason somebody does or doesn’t want to spend time with their family—or whether they remain estranged. That’s for them to decide. But I think it’s helpful to be honest and accepting of our decisions on how to handle the tradeoffs we make. Self-acceptance and self-compassion are an important foundation for everything else.”
For those without family nearby or available over the holidays Danovitch recommended building connections elsewhere: “Foster connections within the community and the people around you—friends, neighbors, or groups who share an interest that’s important to you. Think about participating in a food kitchen or a beach cleanup, or volunteer with an animal shelter or in supportive services for kids.Spend time outdoors or reach out to your neighbors.Consider what interests you, what moves you, and how you can find others who share those interests.These connections are crucial for mental health.”
Discussing ways to manage stress such as social anxiety at gatherings he said: “Social anxiety is one of the most common types of anxiety, and meeting new people is one of the most stressful things people do.Partofwhatmakesusanxiousisthefeelingthatwe’rebeingjudged,sowe’repronetoworryingaboutcomingacrosstherightway.Whenyou’reinagroupandsomebodyisnew,begaciousandinclude them.Itgoesalongway.Forpeopleworriedaboutfallingintooldhabitswiththeirfamilyconsiderintentionalactivities.Somefamiliescometogetherandtalk,andthenconversationdriftstowardpointsofconflict—likepoliticsorreligion.Redirectwithaboardgameamovieoragrouphike.It’stimetogetherthatmatters.”
Cedars-Sinai Medical Center is based in Los Angeles California where it was founded in 1902.The hospital which also serves as atraining facility admitted 50 646 patients in 2022 under current president Thomas M Priselac according totheir annual report.
More information on managing social anxiety during this season can be found on the Cedars-Sinai Blog.
